waking up

now playing: the red sox beating the cardinals! Whoo hoo! Sox in four!

Firstly: to my friends who read my last post and commented, thank you so much. It's greatly appreciated. Danielle, your comment was poetic. I really liked Motionless Dreamer. I may embroider it on a pillow. (-: Mom, next time just say who you are. Also, no, i haven't cleaned my room yet.

So, I woke up this morning to the shreik of my alarm. My alarm sounds like an air raid siren. It's tough. It's like 1939 London... my room is dark, but man the sirens won't stop. Of course, i hit snooze like 30 times before I hit the showers, but whatever. Anyway, as I woke up to my air raid siren, I got to thinking (A dangerous pastime, I know... man, Gaston was in deep smit for that Belle chick) about how some people wake up to things like... "The mellifluous sounds of chipmunks in fall," "John Tesh sings 60's tv scenes," and "Ocean waves" featuring the saxophone of Kenny G laid over waves breaking. Yay.

I came up with a plan for something better. You know how in Sci-Fi, they're always inventing robots that'll be your friend, or run your business, or take care of your kids? That stuff's garbage. I've come up with the best robot idea EVER!!! We'll call it "The Sargeant MeetYourDoom Wake Up Robot V. CMMCCXCXVII © ® ™." Instead of taking care of your kids, or other stuff that you should be doing yourself, it'll serve one purpose, and one purpose only: getting your sorry rear out of bed. It'll scream in your face, it'll make crass comments about the shape your in. It might even curse every once in a while. All so that you get up on time. Really, it'll be great! It'll even have a few moves so that if you ever try to retaliate against it, you find yourself staring up from the floor, wondering how you ended up there.

Not only that, think about the opportunities for customization! You could have different memory chips so that "The Sargeant MeetYourDoom Wake Up Robot V. CMMCCXCXVII © ® ™" could take on the characteristics of your favorite movie drill sargeants / military personnel. The "Red Dawn" Chip makes him talk like a cuban or a russian. Every once in a while, if you shout "Wolverines!" you score a bonus 10 minutes of sleep. But only every once in a while. The "Few Good Men" chip turns it into Jack Nicholson... he wakes you up by puffing a cigar in your face, and screaming about whether or not you can handle the truth. Fact of the matter is, you can't. Always popular, the "In the Army Now" chip turns it into Pauly Shore. This is notoriously easy to ignore, until he starts talking about burritos. Burritos always wake me up.

This product is sheer genius. I'm going to buy five of them. Cause lets face it, I'll figure out some way to defeat the first four .That fifth one though, he'll get me up for sure. For now, I'll just stick to the air raid siren. And my snooze button.