a tim hortons economy

My Fellow Canadians:

I appear before you tonight to address a dire situation. Recently, we've watched as our economy has been imperilled by competeing factors: the cost of crude oil going up seems to devalue our dollar. Fluctuating world currency markets seems to devalue our dollar. Heck, Martha Stewart Entertainment seems to devalue our dollar. But, I bet that Martha herself likes Canadian money, cause think of all the pretty crafts she can do with it... all those great colours. But, I digress...

Today we face an economic challenge that is incomparable. As much as we Canadians appreciate crude oil, world currencies and Martha, there is one item that I believe serves as the bedrock of our society; one item that, with every shift in its cost, threatens to crumble the very foundation that this great country is built on.

That's right: Tim Hortons coffee. Now, we've all been through rounds of Tim Horton's inflation before. The most recent one I recall was when the large went from 1.29 to 1.35. Man, that bugged me for a while: but then I realized they were really just keeping the penny that always annoyed me, plus a five cent service charge for storing the penny. Anyway, our markets re-aligned, and we survived that scare.

Unfortunately, today we are faced with another round of inflation. This time it won't hit you when you buy that double-double (yes, that is a word -- it made it into the dictionary this year!), instead it'll hit you when you buy a canister of the good stuff to brew at home. You see, until recently, you could buy a small can (13 oz) for $4.49. You could also opt to go big -- a 39 oz -- for 11.49. That's a savings of six cents an ounce! Unfortunately, Tim Hortons in conjunction with their retail partners (A&P in this buyer's case) have decided to lay the smack down on bulk buyers. No more do you save when you purchase the larger canister... in fact, purchasing the same amount of coffee in the smaller canister saves you two cents over all.

The impact of price gouging like this is dangerous and obvious: as the cost of coffee goes up, the value of our dollar plummets. If Tim Horton and Dave Thomas were around, would they let their chain run the Canadian economy into the ground? I think not. It's time for us to stand up, united in Canadian pride, and say "No more price gouging on my coffee!"

This has been a public service announcement. My name is Andrew Mackay, and I endorsed this message.