Dear friends with a capital f. wait wait wait, let me start again
Dear Friends,
Today, a global menace has creeped ever closer to taking over. Up til now, we've sat by and kept quiet. We can do so no longer. It's not as though it's any one particular thing... but it's rather the conglomeration of ever expanding mis- or mal- named products that have driven us to this point. Whether it's the "Roasted Chicken" sub at Subway (roasted? chicken?) the filet o' fish at McyD's (fish? filet?) or the 100% beef burgers also at McDonalds, this has just gone far enough. There's a definite line between good marketing and just plain lying. Good marketing doesn't lie about products, it casts them in the best possible light. Cool Whip just sounds better than "No Name Oil-Based, Non-Dairy Topping." Plus, Cool Whip is easier to write on trademark forms. "No Name Oil-Based..." well, you get the point. Just dumb. We're not arguing that companies tell us precisely what the product is IN the name, just that the name doesn't explicitly lie. Let us lie to ourselves about the product! Everyone knows we will.
For a limited time only, CFAFN (yes, that's pronounced exactly how it looks... except, if you could give it the same inflection that Jo Jo the Super Nanny would, that'd be a little better) will grant the use of our exclusive "Our Trademark Doesn't Lie" sticker to organizations that meet the accurate marketing requirements, as well as a couple of other ones (ie. lots of cash. In fact, you don't even need to meet those other requirements if you have lots of cash. Call my cell, we'll talk)... Er, Um... yeah, so look for the "Our Trademark Doesn't Lie" sticker on all the products you buy.
And, this exciting news just in - Walmart is the first brand to qualify for the "Our Trademark Doesn't Lie" sticker! Lets give a hand to the Walton clan, and the 6 million dollars it cost them to license the sticker. Also, we'll be producing a special sticker for use in the alabama market: the "Our Trademark Don't Lie" sticker.
Whooo!
also, oil-based, non-dairy topping sucks.
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2 comments:
Oil based non-dairy topping (alias Cool Whip) doesn't suck if it is the kind Uncle Stephen gets in Watertown containing ? % real whipping cream!
But if you were to only buy products that were 100 % pure in their claims, I'm afraid you'd be on a very limited diet.
Great blog,
Love
Auntie
PS if you want lots of chocolate, one of our group homes in Kingston is selling French chocolate bars, almonds etc. to help one of our S.I.'s go to Nashville (her life long dream)
I do agree that Cool Whip is nasty stuff. And I do wish we could get the kind that contains real whipped cream (as we could in P.R.). But I guess I shouldn't tell you that one of the main ingredients of your favourite cherry cheesecake is Cool Whip.
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