brown shoes and paper cuts, oh my!

now playing: goldie's last day by the late, great pfr

hello blogosphere! It's Tuesday. Wait, no, it's monday night. I just got done working a little OT (which is a lot like a hockey game, but less exciting). Today as I was on the phone discussing our company and what we offer, I managed to give myself THE WORST PAPER CUT, EVER!!!! No word of a lie. It actually hurt quite significantly. It went like this: "Yeah, hard cover is an option but *pause while Andrew thinks of words he'd like to say* sorry... yeah, hard cover is an option but..." It was quite humorous - much akin to the time that I stapled my finger while selling a pair of cell phones. That time, i was way manlier (probably cause there was a 50 dollar commission in it for me)—I actually completed the sale (while the lady was like... "Is there a staple in your finger?") before I took the staple out.

A pair of brown shoes can be a man's best friend. Comfortable brown shoes are even more likely to acheive that status. I spent the last two months searching for brown shoes that would fit. Sound ridiculous? Yeah, well... it is. Everytime a freak like me goes to look for shoes, it's a bit of a laborious process. When you're a 13-14w, it's hard to figure out just precisely what fits. In the last two months, i've tried on a pair of vans 13s (way too small), a pair of walmart 13W (way too small), several pairs of payless 14s (some too small, some too ugly). Finally on Saturday I saw two pairs of brown "old man" shoes (the very best kind!). They had both a 14w and a 13. Obviously, since up til this point my experience had been heavy in the "too small, freak" vein, I tried the 14w first. For once, I felt like a normal person: they were huge. Positively, absolutely too big. It was awesome. Luckily the 13s fit.

Okay, so the men out there are going "why is he rambling about buying shoes? Is this andymack's blog? Did I get the address wrong?" I feel like my shoe buying experience has mirrored the downfall of customer-oriented sales environments. It used to be that people in stores wanted to help you. They would go out of their way. In all my time shopping for shoes in the past 2 months (probably 4 hours total - and I'm not a shopper, i prefer to go in, grab what I need, and book it) I have found one helpful employee. I think his name was Chad. When I told Chad that I was looking for shoes, he actually got my size and went "in the back" (aside - what does it mean when they say "let me check in the back"? I wonder what's really back there) to find the two pairs they had at that size in the entire store. Juxtapose that experience with the girls at payless... no word of a lie, this is how the pitch went:

her: "Is there anything I can help you with today?"
me: "Yeah, I'm looking for shoes, and I need them in an abnormally large size like a 14."
her: "Wow, that's too bad." *walks away*

What the heck? Isn't she getting paid to help me buy shoes? Isn't it about the consumer? So, while I'm glad about my brown shoes, they really are a sign of the end of western civilization as we know it... retail isn't about the consumer any more. I guess I'll just take my brown shoes and walk.

what about that nut from the observer... Frank something... you know, the one who's in love with his typewriter?